ACT is fundamentally about behaviour change guided by moving mindfully in a valued direction in a flexible way, making room for feelings, thoughts and challenges from life and accepting it won’t be easy or simple. Commited action is therefore absolutely key to using ACT.
Commited action is what you choose it to be once you know where you want to go next.
Goal setting tips
SMART goals – pick goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound. In a trying to get pregnant again after miscarriage example –
Specific – you want to enlist your partner in trying again in a low pressure “not trying, not preventing” way
Measurable – you could plan when to sit down and chat to them about how they feel about trying again, and share your own feelings – once you’ve had the conversation, that could be counted as having made progress
Achievable – before you set this goal you want to be clear yourself that you’re open to trying again, and also open to hearing about your partner’s feelings. You might also want to pick your moment so that both of you are able to be open and honest – so at the end of a bottle of wine on a Friday night, or on the Monday morning commute may not be good times to open up the topic. If you feel ready to have a two-way open and honest conversation with your partner though, it hopefully is achievable to bring it up for discussion.
Realistic – If you already know that either yourself or your partner isn’t ready or willing yet, talking about trying again may not be realistic yet -and you might choose to follow your reverse compass by waiting a bit longer before bringing up the subject to give yourselves more healing time. If you feel you’re ready to consider trying again though, it’s probably good to mutually air your feelings and thoughts on it.
Time bound – when are you going to bring up the subject – today? Next week? When you have time off work together? Pick a specific time to sit down and talk it through, and agree together what your next steps will be. If you agree to try again, good luck!